wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
