I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
