so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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