Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
