So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I woke up under a house in Key West
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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