oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
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