Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
