Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
