If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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