Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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