I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
