I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
