Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
i think i just lost a toe
Randomize
