Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
