omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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