ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
