He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
