I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
