Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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