so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Randomize
