I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
