I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Maybe he injected his testicle?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
