my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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