Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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