hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
its liver damage thursday
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
