i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
