I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
