I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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