Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
