look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
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