He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
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You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize