wrigley field is MILF paradise
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
