The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
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