last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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