Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
