Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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