Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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