FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
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