She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
