Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I look better un-naked...
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
