I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
