dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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