Please, let me fuck your mom
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
