the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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