I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
