...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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