i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
