i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
