hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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