my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
