The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
