you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I need moral support for this bender
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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