Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
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