Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
