So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
