Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
this must be what syphilis tastes like
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
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