Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
